Top 10 Reasons Why I Could Never Give Up Coffee for Lent

10. I’m not Catholic. So technically, I don’t need to give up anything for Lent. Although I grew up Catholic and attended Catholic school for 8 years, I gave up Catholicism the day I learned that women could never be priests. But yes, I was a naughty Catholic schoolgirl and now I’m a naughty erotica author. Coincidence? I think not.

9. I worship coffee. So maybe my new religion is Caffeinationism. In the beginning, the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster in the sky created the latte and the mocha… and the rest is history.

8. I’m slightly addicted… I used to joke around about being addicted until I tried to quit. I’ve successfully quit drinking coffee for months at a time, but I always go back. I love it. I can’t get enough. Coffee is *almost* as good as sex… almost.

7. Coffee drinking prevents the Zombie Apocalypse. Think about it. If everyone suddenly decided to stop drinking coffee, at least half of the population would turn into zombies, and then we’re all screwed. I’m doing this to save humanity.

6. Buying coffee helps farmers. I prefer to buy Fair Trade Coffee whenever possible. The coffee is usually organic, super tasty and the farmers receive a much higher wage than farmers working for huge commercial coffee enterprises.

5. Coffee gives me TONS of energy. There’s a direction relationship between how much coffee I drink and how many words I can write in a day. More coffee = more words.

4. Coffee if full of anti-oxidants. Scientists love to debate whether or not coffee is good for you. Just like everything else in life, there are pro’s and con’s. Bottom line, coffee is full of anti-oxidants, so as long as you’re not drinking a gallon a day, you should be fine.

3. Coffee keeps my mind sharp. When I have Hailey, of Strip Poker fame, bent over and ready to take a huge… drink of coffee (you dirty, dirty boy, you thought she was bent over to take something else didn’t you?), the energy I get from my iced mocha will help me decide exactly which way Hailey’s going to take the giant… well, you know.

2. I can people-watch in coffee shops. I love to sit and sip a caramel macchiato at my local coffee shop and watch all the characters, er, people coming in to get coffee. I get a lot of character ideas from watching the people. When someone orders a Venti, half-caff, half-sweet, skinny, three and a half pump, Soy, Caramel Macchiato, with chocolate drizzle, hold the whip, I wonder what makes them tick and what would make them get naked…and would chocolate drizzle be involved? Probably.

1. Coffee makes me horny. That’s right. All I need is a mocha latte frappe-fucka-chino and I’m ready to go. Coffee wakes me up in all the right places and makes me more than ready for action. And since I’m also not giving up sex for Lent, there’s no point in giving up a good cup of coffee.